Bodybuilding Reflections

On May 29, 2012 by Juliet

I got to play in the kitchen some yesterday. I had one smashing success and one “meh, this needs work”. The smashing success was bacon wrapped chili lime chicken thighs!

The lesser meal was dinner. I had been planning to make steamed mussels…however… I botched that. Long story short, I unknowingly massacred the live mussels. I didn’t know they were alive, OKAY?! I had also bought some bay scallops so I settled for making those.  I found this recipe for seared sea scallops and thought I could adapt it for bay ones. Nope.

Either my pan wasn’t hot enough or it simply doesn’t work with bitty ones. Instead of searing, they came out kind of rubbery and “bleh”.

In other news, I wanted to share something I have purposely not looked at in a long time. When I was going through my bodybuilding prep, I meticulously documented everything. I wanted a record of every freaking detail that I did, ate, or thought about (hence this blog’s existence) so I could replicate or tweak it for future preps (lulz).

Nowadays, I kind of make a point not to look at those records for fear of bringing up memories of how absolutely nuts I was.

Don’t believe me? Here is the log from a random day of prep…this was a high carb day somewheres in Week 17. All my days were low fat days. I cut out the actual calorie & macro counts as I don’t want anyone trying to duplicate them or think that they should eat that way. Don’t do it. Stop. Really.

I documented every calorie/macro gram for every bite I ate for every day for 25 weeks. Even every singular oz of spinach. Don’t be fooled by the 1/2 cup on the oats either… I weighed that shit on my scale. Don’t mess around, brah.

Looking at some of the numbers makes my brain hurt. I’d have some days that weren’t bad at around 15-1700Kcal but how on earth I split the lower days at 1000Kcal amongst 7 meals I don’t even know. The macro proportions were also entirely different from what I eat now. Since I don’t count a dime anymore and refuse to ever again, my macro counts are ballpark in my head. I’d say I get somewhere between 50-75% the protein I was taking in before, low to moderate carbs, and probz 3 or 4 times the amount of fat.

Regardless, it’s an interesting switch up and I feel hella better today. Yeah. I said “hella”. WHAT?!

I was afraid that when I looked back on this, along with my old progress photos, I would fall into some kind of mixed mental lapse of “I want to be that lean again” and “omg-panic-my-shit-has-been-stirred”. Oddly enough, neither of those things occurred. I actually felt proud afterwards but not in the sense that you would think.

Proud that my relationship with food has come so far and proud that when I looked back on the progress pictures, I was grossed out. Truthfully. I could not see it at the time, but looking back on them, I looked emaciated. It was so clearly unhealthy.

I debated whether or not to share that picture.

Partially because I don’t want anyone aspiring to look like that if they don’t naturally (hey, some people can genetically maintain super lean) and partially because my bed in the background was embarrassing. I guess contest prep fog does not lend itself to wanting to clean.

Never say never, but that will never be worth it again.
I like wine too much.

Category :
fat loss, Motivation, Nutrition/Diet
  • http://www.followingfit.com/ Kristen @ Following Fit

    Your perspective on this is so interesting to me, especially since I *am* still counting (though I don’t count grams of cauliflower or ounces of spinach… I eat that sh*t by the handfuls and as much as I want to). I am also not competing, however, so my counting isn’t exactly always perfect nor do I want it to be.

    What I am most struck my here is your ability to look back on your contest prep without falling into the “I want to go back there” trap. That’s awesome. Do you think the fact that you have more muscle on your frame now makes it easier to look back at this in a healthy way? As in, if you had fallen off the fitness and lifting wagon entirely after prep, it might be harder to see it this way now?

    • http://heyjoob.com Juliet

      I don’t really have a problem with counting if you can do it without getting nuts. Like you said, I don’t see the value in limiting things like spinach and cauliflower. I think, for me personally, after doing the above for so long I simply cant really stomach any form of counting if I don’t need to.

      To answer your latter questions, yes. Had I fallen off the wagon completely, it would be much harder to look back. I think the key paradigm shift I made was moving from physique goals to overall health/performance/mind goals. If I had let my body go to crap, obviously health and performance would not have been a priority and I would still have been stuck in the physique only mindset. Does that make sense?

      • http://www.followingfit.com/ Kristen @ Following Fit

        Yes, that makes sense; that’s exactly what I was thinking.

  • Meg

    Oh my gosh sweetheart! I am so proud of you and how far you have come!

    • http://heyjoob.com Juliet

      <3

  • http://www.ilovefetacheese.com Christina

    I would be so bloated if I ate that much cauliflower lolz. I also am incapable of eating anything plain. sweet tator, chicken, yuck. Drench that thing in salsa, puuhhleez. I remember thinking the dieting was scary when you were going through it, and I’m so glad you’re in a better place now. You’ve seen some great muscle gains too since you switched to paleo (and even before that I think). The part that kills me about that diet is how low fat it is. Especially when you’re that lean and you’re weight training, it seems like its asking for joint problems. But I guess that’s where supplements come in. *hugs* I’m glad you wrote this post up and shared it.

    • http://heyjoob.com Juliet

      Eh, I rotated through a handful of veggies. Mostly I just batch cooked frozen ones though… super boring. I think it’s why I detest frozen vegetables these days. And I actually still like plain chicken and sweet potato LOL. I am odd like that.

      The fat kills me too. I think I ate that much fat for breakfast alone today. I don’t even want to think about all the supplements I was taking…. that couldn’t have been good for my health either. It’s funny… Robb Wolf talks a lot about the typical bodybuilder diet being high carb low fat etc etc and I always just sit there and nod when I listen.

      I’m glad you appreciated the post though! It was surprisingly not as ‘emotional’ as I thought it would be. More of an “ew I was gross” “HEY! I REALIZED IT! GO ME!”

    • http://heyjoob.com Juliet

      I just wanted to make it email you.

      • http://www.ilovefetacheese.com Christina

        LOL YOU SUCCEEDED.

  • http://www.sweatlikeapig.com/ Tara @ Sweat like a Pig

    This was a great read, Juliet, and I’m sure it must have been hard to write. That diet is so low in fat! I don’t know how you didn’t starve to death! I haven’t counted my macros in a long time, although I’m trying to start doing it again as I (attempt to) lean out. I really only need to measure my carbs. I’m pretty good at eyeballing my protein amounts and I’ll be damned if I start weighing my vegetables!

    You’ve come such a long way and I think it’s much better to be mentally healthy with a bit of extra fat :)

    • http://heyjoob.com Juliet

      Surprisingly not as hard as I thought it was going to be when I started it. I was more proud when I finished than anything. You’ve come a long way too, my friend, don’t discount it! I think we’ve both done a good job at learning from our bodies :)

      And you know, even my “extra bit of fat” is not much. Certainly not worth worrying about at least.

  • http://caffeinatedrunner.wordpress.com/ Kailey

    Counting calories is a pain in the BUTT! Never ever will I do that again. Its annoying to measure and weight every ounce of food. Instead i just round in my head to get a general idea but I don’t know the exact numbers or macros. Plus I love fresh baked bagels from local shops with no nutrition and I’m not willing to give that up.

    • http://heyjoob.com Juliet

      There are definitely no local shops with good bagels in bburg. I have been searching for a quality bagel for 6 years here!

  • http://www.onefitfoodie.com/ Naomi(onefitfoodie)

    i went through SUCH a brief period of time attempting to calorie count etc…it was back in college and I have to say I acutally put on weight and it made me CRAZY like CRAZY. I could not deal, my life was not normal…it made me constantly think about every single morsel thta was put into my body. THEN i learned to eat intuatively…I cannot tell you how many times I get asked about calories I am taking in and how many of this and that. I have absolutely no idea. I measure portions when I get close to a show and thats IT!

    great perspective and you are awesome for always being so honest…wine? I could never go without for too long hehe

    • http://heyjoob.com Juliet

      <3 <3 <3 it makes one NUTZ doesn't it? I don't have a problem with counting if you can be realistic about it but I could not be. It's funny you should talk about being asked how much you eat. Man-friend was curious to know how much I eat so I've been texting him photos LOL. That's as close as I'll get.

      And wine is a woman's best friend. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

  • Dowses

    I hear ya. I hear ya. I hear ya. I hear ya. I was looking back at my competition photos from a year ago the other day with a friend who was curious. I hardly recognized myself, and frankly think I looked a little freaky and weird. I get this new journey you’re on and really respect it.

    • http://heyjoob.com Juliet

      I remember when you were competing and I remember I was full in the throws of it myself at the time. You were 10 steps ahead of me, though, when you said you didn’t want to do it again after the first one. I’m glad we both survived and thank you for the thoughtful comment.

  • http://teabagginit.wordpress.com/ Teabagginit

    i kind of know what you mean about being afraid to look at old pictures for fear of wanting to be that way again. i had that with old pics during my ED but i was actually horrified by the way i looked and i’m so, so, so glad that i’ve moved past it. thank goodness for growth, you and me, both, sister!

    • http://heyjoob.com Juliet

      RIGHT ON! Yeah, it’s crazy how much one can change with time for sure. I’m so glad that you looked back on them with similar thoughts to what I did with mine <3