Hey, Joob!

I definitely just killed a gnat by clapping my hands together. That never happens. Gotcha b*tch! Stay the eff away from my wine!

Just so you fine people know, I need this wine. I got this mega creepy text message 9 freaking AM Saturday morning from an unidentifiable number proclaiming me to be “one of the finest looking young ladys i have ever saw b 4“. He was kind enough to hope not to get me in trouble with my boyfriend but wouldn’t say who he was when I asked. Today I confirmed he’s an employee at a company I have been a loyal customer to for years and he looked my number up in their records.

As a professional female (been one all my life!), I can confirm that that is no way to pick up chicks.

Sometimes I wish I had a camera crew to follow me around at all times. I would be really entertaining to watch.

My coworker is pretty hot and she models. (I bet she can relate to creepers looking up her contacting information.) Today she got news over lunch that she’s going to move to Santa Monica tomorrow to be closer to her manager and work. Baller. I had a bathing suit I bought last year during contest prep that was too small. If it didn’t fit me 20 lbs ago it won’t fit me now and it’s been sitting in a bag with the tags on for all this time so I gave it to her.

She did a shoot in it! That makes me famous by association!

Here are some recipes.

Just kidding.
That recipe looked pretty but was really dry and boring taste-wise.
Aren’t my new coasters and candles pretty?

Smokey Baked Salmon

Ingredients:

• 1 salmon fillet
• 1/2 tbsp EACH: smoked paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, EVOO

Directions:

• Preheat oven to 375F
• In a bowl, mix your 1/2 tablespooners
• Coat your salmon fillet with the stuff in a bowl
• Bake for 25 minutes

Cinnamon Curried Bananas & Cauliflower
(?????)

Ingredients:

• 1 bag frozen cauliflower
• 1 banana
• yellow curry blend
• cinnamon

Directions:

• Thaw your cauliflower in the microwave (put in a glass bowl, ~5 min)
• Heat some oil in a cast iron while that’s thawing
• Dump cauliflower in skillet and pour a buttload of curry powder on it. Don’t be shy about it.
• Decide that banana would be tasty in there. Slice it up and dump it into the mix. Why not pour some cinnamon in there, liberally, as well?
• Cook until bananas are mooshy and infiltrating the nooks and crannies of your cauliflower.

Criticize and drop sarcastic comments all you want. It was all reallyREALLY good.
Or maybe that’s the glass of wine talking?

PS I ate that all while I put this post together. Now I’m a fat and happy girl. I feel like I’m going to explode.