Sex Appeal as Pondered by Joob – Part I

On July 11, 2012 by Juliet

WHOA. There’s a topic I’ve never ever covered on Hey Joob. That’s inappropriate. Kidding! Grow up.

The fact is, sex appeal is a huge deal in the ‘fitness biz’. Having a blog about all-things-related-fitness, it is a small wonder I have not discussed it until right this second, really. Sure, gaining muscle and strength is empowering as all hell. When I hit a new PR, I pretty much dance around with pride for the next 3 days and will tell any living creature. Sometimes non-living creatures too.

“Hey there Stump! Guess what! I deadlifted 225 this week!”
“GREAT JOB, JULIET! You rock!”
(Many exclamation points are involved.)

…….However…….

If you told me that you didn’t lift heavy crap, or exercise at all for that matter, without even the slightest hope of altering your physique, I would say 1) bullshit or 2) you’re in the minority. It might not be your main goal, but I think most people think about it to at least a small degree. We’re animals and, as such, one of our most basic functions is to reproduce. To reproduce we need to be desirable to the opposite sex (or same sex if that’s how you roll – I’m not picky). Part of being desirable to a partner is physical attraction.

And this, my friend, is where the message gets all kind of jacked up. Bad – obsession level bad. I just need to lose 5 lbs. I just need to be a size 2 (or 4 or 6 or whatever. women’s sizes are stupid). I just need to build up my shoulders. I just need to ‘tone’ the bat wings. I just need to build a big back and sick pack abs. Girls love guns!

Ultimately, we all have dream bodies, but how much of this is really to make us “attractive” and how much of it is some kind of self established “bar”? We constantly go around treating our bodies like they’re not enough of anything – even when we do lose that 5 lbs.

This post was motivated by an interesting thing that has happened to me in the last 2-3 weeks.

I’ve stopped thinking about food.

Okay, well, I think about food constantly, but not the same way I used to. Eating has simply become something I do… I think about fun new recipes I want to try and what I’ll make for dinner, but I don’t once stop to think about how a single meal will impact my physique. I don’t think about how much fat is too much added. I don’t feel guilty when I eat out. If I overdo it at one meal, I might fast or skip a meal because I’m simply not hungry.

I just put food on my plate, eat it, eat more if I’m hungry and not if I’m satisfied. No thoughts of “repercussions” involved. The results? I’ve steadily and easily maintained and I’ve not even considered “leaning out” or losing any fat as a potential course of action. No, seriously. I feel sexy and beautiful and wonderful without the need to change my body in any way.

I have never.ever.EVER. felt like this before.

Realizing this, it made me think about what really makes us attractive? Sure, a physically attractive body never hurts to look at – I won’t argue that point. But! How much of that is adding to our sex appeal? How much is our pursuit of sex appeal making us less appealing?

Things to be considered.
I’ll share my thoughts in Part Dos, but I’m curious to see what y’all have to say on the subject.  Okay….GO!

  • http://www.sweatlikeapig.com/ Tara @ Sweat like a Pig

    Love it! I was actually having a big think about this the other day. I don’t know whether guys in London specifically like me, or just like women in general, but everywhere I go I get whistled at, honked at, stopped to be told I’m beautiful, etc. It certainly gives me a big head! But then I started thinking, what would happen if I somehow became overweight, or got older and was no longer attractive, etc. Would I still be as happy? I’m obviously not trying to pick any guys up, but it does feel nice to know that there are plenty of interested parties haha.

    As for training, almost the second I stopped caring so much about losing weight, everything started to fall into place naturally. When I focus on other things, like telling tree stumps my PRs (!), it makes me much happier overall. I don’t obsess over food and have to tell people I “can’t” eat this and that. Perhaps out of instinct, I decided to lean out as I have two beach holidays coming up next month. But the more I think about it, the more I’m like, why on earth am I doing this?! I was perfectly happy with how my body looked already. Sure, I have some extra fat but it’s nothing major, and I’m not hung up about it. It’s just me being totally superficial!!

    Wow, that was long, sorry!

    • http://heyjoob.com Juliet

      “A big think” – I like that. I’m going to play devils advocate for a second and say this…. what makes you think being overweight would suddenly make you unattractive? I can understand not wanting to put on weight cause, well, body image does matter. I’m just stirrin’ the pot!

      And YES! I agree with the training part. And I’m glad that you realized you were happy with your body before, that’s AWESOME.

      I enjoyed your story :)

      • http://www.sweatlikeapig.com/ Tara @ Sweat like a Pig

        Sorry, just saw this now. I guess I’ve always thought I wouldn’t be as attractive if I was overweight. I’ve been told by a lot of people I have that “men’s magazine” physique, i.e. a traditional hourglass shape. I’m equally worried that I’m going to get too muscular and lean and lose my softness too, so it could go both ways. But I guess it doesn’t really matter either way. I’m not trying to pick up men! Haha

  • Stephanie @Itrainthereforeieat

    Great post Juliet! I have a few thoughts on this that have really taken me a while to figure out. I think throughout my years of body image issues (which are still going on, although to a lesser extent), I have found that I am most happy when I am at a middle ground: When I’m fit enough that I look DAMN good in (and out of) my clothes, but when I’m not quite to the point of counting every calorie and obsessing over macros, etc. When I can find that sweet spot right in the middle, I feel great about myself and that also happens to be when I get the most attention from the men folk out there. I definitely have physique goals that drive my training somewhat, and I agree that we all do to some extent. But I also really think that it’s much more than just the physique that matters for attraction — being happy AND being fit? Now that’s irresistible :)

    • http://heyjoob.com Juliet

      I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head with that last one. Happy and fit IS irresistible.

  • http://twitter.com/teabagginit teabagginit

    so true and something i’m constantly working on – to stop fighting my body and just live my life. yes i want to eat healthy and exercise but i DON’T want to live for the gym or the macronutrient ratio. the food scale is not supposed to be the sun by which my world revolves. thank you for reminding me of this!

    • http://heyjoob.com Juliet

      No, you should not live for the gym or macronutrient ratio. The way I like to think about macronutrients/calories/blahblahblah is this: food is SO much more than a number. It adds to social and family situations, it is fun to eat and cook, it is delicious, it makes us strong, it has the potential to make us fat, all food is not created equal and some has more micronutrients than others, it is INCREDIBLY dynamic.

      So why do we treat it like a set in stone piece of math?

  • http://www.followingfit.com/ Kristen @ Following Fit

    The sexiest people are sexy because it seems effortless — too much work makes it obvious and therefore obnoxious. So where is the line? Where is the point at which you go from being Bradley Cooper to being a Jersey Shore wannabe?

    Unless you find Jersey Shore wannabes sexy. You know, with all the deep-V-neck tattoo tees and all.

    • http://heyjoob.com Juliet

      Very well put. It is exceedingly obnoxious when too much work is obvious. Like, run away obnoxious.

      I guess some people go for that…. I think you need to be a Jersey Shore wannabe to find it sexy though. *gross*

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  • Meg

    WOW ahhhhhh your posts are just better and better Juliet!!!!!!! I have so much to say about this, but most of all you are awesome! I can totally relate. I feel better and have never been better than I am RIGHT now and you know what? I am not stressing about food! When I stress about food nothing good comes of it! It is just not worth it! Life is so so so much better without thinking about the “repercussions” I love how you said that!

    I am just catching up on blog posts, so off to read part 2! So excited <3

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